Kinda stuck not gona lie

I\'ve been kinda going through life on autopilot since my friend passed,was kinda the starting domino that leads to a load of B.S His passing clearly hit everyone hard,but hit me the hardest as i was the only person in our community that actually met the man,and when i couldnt stay strong for the group and was labled a lost cause,they bounced,and from there with no outlet the depression and isolation just dialed all the way to 11. Relationships never panned out to anything more than me being used for a month or so till they found a better deal, friends would come and go and family was never there. its been a few years in this \"limbo\" and to be honest i find myself just filling in the hours with everything i can think of to fill this ever present void in me. IDK,i just wanted to vent a bit,doing it on a forum seems better than the void(does feel better to get it off my chest though)